Klonoa and the Nightmare
by Noma the Fox
Summary: Klonoa IS gonna have a nightmare, but it can't be done without a good dose of humour. Bad language! No bad critique, please.
1. Guntz Torments Janga

Klonoa and the Nightmare

Noma is bored and sick right now... so she's gonna write a story! Whoo! There's just plain not enough of Klonoa, we need more. This is starting at 1:29 in the afternoon... let's see how long it takes me... This is gonna be a fucked up story, as usual...

By the way... I don't own Klonoa, or anyone related. They all go to Klonoa Works 'n Namco. I don't own Final Fantasy, either! Whee!

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Klonoa was bored, so he decided it was a good opportunity to take a stroll over to Guntz's house... thingy. He didn't exactly know what it was, but did he care? No. He didn't even know if he wanted to call it a house... a shack, maybe, but not a house. Guntz was rich in bounty money, but that didn't mean he was gonna live somewhere fancy.

He arrived, and began pounding on the door, "GUNTZ! Open up, damnit!" he chirped happily. Guntz swung open the door and gave Klonoa a cold, eye-twitching stare, for daring to bother him at this specific moment.

"What the hell do you want? Can't you see that I'm busy?" he opened the door a little to reveal that he was playing Final Fantasy VII, going by his apperance it was non-stop. Klonoa sneered, he hated that game with a passion. He stomped over to the system, grabbed the controller, and threw it at the tv with all his strength, making the tv explode.

He turned his head like a crank, very slowly and shakey. "You. You go outside, now. Evil. Very evil." he started to walk out with one foot dragging, grabbing a pissed off and screaming Guntz by an ear along the way.

"You fucking ASS. Look what you did! You blew up my fucking system! That cost me money! Not all of us can get stuff for free, you know! We have jobs that help us get on with life! I hate you! I wish you never came here! I wanna kill you! I _should _kill you! Where the fuck did I put my gun? Once I find it, you're dead meat! Gwaaaaaaarrrr!"

He had spent all that time flailing, stomping, screaming.. he didn't even realize Klonoa was frozen in place, in what looked to be fear. They were on the outskirts of a town, looking into it, to see Guntz's most favourite feline of them all heading into it. That's right, it was Janga!

Klonoa reached a hand around in search for Guntz, not making any other movements, "G... Guntz..."

"I think... I think I found it! Klonoa, stop friggen shaking me! Whaddya want?" he looked over to where Klonoa's eyes were in that very instant, "Oh my God! THAT CAT!" he screamed as he automatically charged in for an attack.

Klonoa started to freak, _"Wait, Guntz! This isn't a very smart idea! ...Come to think of it, you've never made any smart ideas!" _he shrugged, starting to casually and slowly walk over to the bomb that was about to set off.

"Aha, Janga! So we meet again!" Guntz yelled to get the cat's attention, flailing a gun around.

"Ehhh...? Ahh, it's Butz's whelp again! ...How lovely it is to see you!" Janga snickered, burying his face in his scarf a little.

"You asshole! You're gonna die now. And... hopefully stay dead this time." Guntz said, giving his gun an aim at his prized enemy.

Janga quirked an eyebrow, "I told you, boy, it's quite early for that. 'Sides, both of us know that _you, _of all people, will never be able to kill me. Not without dragging you down with me, anyway."

Guntz growled, then randomly fell to the ground, twitching his foot now and then. It made Janga stare curiously, wondering what the hell he should do. He walked over and sat next to the wolf, tilting his head ever so slightly, "You alright, kid...?"

Guntz looked up at Janga with a big smile, "Kitty!" he squealed, leaping up to hug Janga tightly, who was too shocked to even know what was going on anymore.

It was at that moment that Klonoa came up with an ice cream cone, he opened his eyes to see what was happening before him. "Guntz! You... you slut! I'll never forgive you for this!" he threw the ice cream at Janga, smacking him straight in the eye.

"What the fuck is wrong with you two?" Janga screeched with clenched teeth, trying to pry this newly mental Guntz away from him. He wasn't succeeding, the boy was too stubborn to let go.

By this point, Guntz was nuzzling into Janga's chest, "Ooooh, Janga-chaaan..." he sang.

Janga got up, sat himself against a house, and sighed.

Klonoa was running through the forest with his face in his hands, crying uncontrollably. This kept going until he slammed into a tree.

"OW! Son of a bitch, you're gonna pay!" he declared war upon the tree, shooting at it with a wind bullet numerous times.

Lolo walked up at that moment, because she simply knew Klonoa was there. She had seen him from her reading spot, and decided to go up and say something. "Klonoa... what's wrong? What did that tree do?"

He kept his pace, not stopping to look at the little monkey... lion... thing. "This tree made me run into it, so I'm extracting my revenge!"

...Really, he had only gotten the first layer off it, and that's all it would lose.

"Oh... well, alright." she decided to think nothing of it, and simply walked off into the sunset.

Out of completely nowhere, Klonoa heard a voice echoing through the woods.

_Klonoa... _

"What?"

_Klonooooaaaaa..._

"What the hell do you want?"

_I want... your assistance..._

"Wait. Is this the King of Sorrow?"

_Maybe..._

"Kingey, I told you. It's over. You have a baby to worry about."

_But, Klonoa... you told me what we had was special..._

"Yeah, well.. I say a lot of things. Now off with you!"

_Awww... _ was the last thing Klonoa heard, before the echoing died off.

Klonoa couldn't think of anything to do at this point, so he allowed his body to take control of itself and run off once again.

"Guntz..." Janga growled impatiently, "It's been... forty-five minutes... I think you can let go of me now... _Believe it or not, I **do **have a life..."_

Guntz looked up at Janga and gasped, "NO!"

Janga groaned, then an idea popped into his head. He started to run one of his claws down Guntz's back, a bit on the rough side. He was trying to see if Guntz would catch the hint. If he didn't let go, he'd simply use poison claws to force him away.

Guntz thought Janga was starting to scratch him like a dog, and started to kick his foot and make what sounded like a murring sound.

"Kid, you are beyond creepy..."

"...And you're not? You're the one with the... eye... and the lack of hands... and the fact that you're dressed up like it's winter, when it's summer in reality..."

Janga gasped, "I cannot help the way I was born!"

"...Birth forced you to dress like that?"

"No, you idiot! The claaaaws!" Janga started to wimper, suddenly jealous that generally all of the people in Lunatea had hands, give or take Tat and Popka. But those were little freak shows, at least _he _looked normal compared to them... well, in his own mind he looked normal. He whipped out a bottle of strong alcohol, chugging it down quickly.

Guntz stared, "How the hell are you holding that with no hands?"

Janga spit out a little bit, growling furiously, "Don't question my logic! I need to hold stuff _somehow!"_

The young wolf started to think, "...What does it look like under your sleeves?"

"...Huh?"

"Are you stupid? I said under your sleeves! You do know what those are, right?"

"Well, duh..."

"Okay, so lemme take a peek."

"No! It's private under there!"

"Aw, come on! I've known you generally my whole life, you can at least lemme see!"

"I said no, you little brat! I wouldn't even show Butz, so why should I show you?"

"Because I'm cuuuuuuuuurious!"

"So fucking what? Shit, Guntz! Get away!" he howled as Guntz knocked Janga's head against the wall of the house, trying to make him go unconcious so he couldn't fight. He denied it, trying to slash at the boy, but couldn't.

"You're friggen twisted, whelp!"

"I only wanna see what's under there!" Guntz squealed, wiggling his tail like mad.

Eventually, Janga managed to get back, grabbing Guntz while he stood up and had the boy hanging in the air. "Now, cut it out. Trust me, there's nothing interesting there, since I have indeed looked."

Guntz was starting to pout, with arms crossed and a mean stare, like a child who hadn't gotten the toy they wanted.

Janga kept watching him for a couple minutes, before sighing and dropping him. "Off with you. I have errands to run. I'd spend more time and kill you, but by now, Garlen's not going to be too happy. Now, ta-taaa!" he ran off as fast as his long legs could carry him.

"Wait, Janga! Noooooo...! What about my mocha frappucino?" he fell to his knees and started crying.

Klonoa walked up slowly, putting a sympathetic hand on his friend's shoulder, "It'll be okay, Guntz... it'll be okay.."

Guntz looked up and sniffled, "Will _you _buy me a mocha frappucino, Klonoa...?"

"Sure... but it can't be too large, 'cause I've only got so much money on me."

"Really? Yay!"

And with that, they skipped off and went to Starbucks, and lived happily ever after.

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Yeah... if this story gets reviews, I don't see why I won't update with another chapter. OMFG. This story generally took me an hour! Shorter, if I had stopped chatting on Furc. xDD By the way... I got off the computer and came back, so this is merely posted at a later time. Not that any of you care.

By zee way... before Starbucks decides to read this and sue my ass... I don't own it.


	2. Total Suspense! Dun dun dunnn

Klonoa and the Nightmare

...Baaaah, just read... Can't think of a summary.

You all are smart enough to know I don't own any of this. I don't need to give a disclaimer.

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After Klonoa had gotten Guntz whatever stupid Starbucks drink he wanted, he decided to ditch the loser and go find someone to torment and pick on. He searched around until he found his lucky target: Chipple.

"Heeey, Chipple..." he crept up and purred in an awfully sexual manner.

Chipple whipped around and started screaming, "_Oh, God! NOT YOU! I thought I had you done in after the wolves got you!"_

Klonoa tilted his head, "...Errr, what?"

"_You heard me! The purple kangaroos haven't shipped in until the teatime afternoon, and the water is boiling hot!"_

"Yeeeah... that's really lovely, but look at the time! I gotta get going!" Klonoa scurried off in a panic.

"_The bats have my soul! Dear Lord, please save meeeeeee!"_

Yeah... anyway. We don't know where Klonoa's run off to, and Guntz's part of the story would just plain be boring at the moment. Unless you all _like _reading about how Guntz was wasting his time watching a snail slowly go by.

"Teehee, it's really pretty!" Guntz giggled excitedly.

Mhm... that's about it. Let's shift on to Janga and how his life's going, 'cause at this particular moment, it's getting mighty interesting... he was running through a forest until he met up with a cave, making no stops to look at the outside of it. Slowly, the cave developed man-made walls, which led to a room filled with computers and heavy machinery.

"Yo, fatass! I got the shit you wa---"

Garlen jumped down in an instant, pointing an accusing finger at Janga, "You! Asshole! Don't call me fat! You're going to interrupt my work because my mind will be set on that. Which means you won't get paid. Which means you won't get your precious booze."

Janga turned his head to the side, spitting curses at the younger man.

"Aaaanywho... it's done now!" Garlen turned to the side, exposing what he had made.

Honestly, I don't know what he made. It's something weird, and something big. Probably to boost his ego, that lamer. It didn't have any specific animal shape or anything of the sorts, it was just something they'd use to destroy the world... or something.

Janga stood in what looked like awe, but you can't really tell with that psychotic face. "Mm... very nice. And we're using this for... what, again?"

Garlen whipped himself around, looking up at his masterpiece. "This, my friend... heh heh... this is something to destroy the biggest corperate businesses, the rulers of certain kingdoms, and Oprah Winfrey! Do _not _ask why about Oprah, because they're reasons of my own!"

...Reason being she wouldn't help him destroy the world. God knows how she managed to get into Lunatea. Waaait... she's Oprah! She can do whatever the hell she wants!

"Alright... well, can I get paid now? This job fucking sucks. I hate running errands."

"Siiiiilence! I'll have to turn you into the police with that attitude!"

...If y'all know Janga, you'll know his doings.

"God, Janga. Why do you always have to be Mr. Enthusiasm of the year?" came a voice from the shadows.

Janga sighed, "Joka, you damned idiot, stop trying to act like you're all dark."

"Awww..." out came Joka, looking pretty depressed from Janga's comment. He couldn't wait 'til he could bring Ghadius back, so Janga and Garlen both would meet with their demise. He randomly stood there, ignoring what Janga was spitting to cackle evilly. Eventually, he got smacked on the top of his head with the flat end of metallic claws.

Let's go see what Guntz is doing... he was walking through Jugkettle, because he was bored and didn't have anything to do. Wow...

"This is queer." he whined as he fell sideways dramatically. He realized that was a big mistake, for he couldn't get up... so, he started to cry.

Klonoa... was found! He was busy terrorizing little children in what is usually a sweet and care-free park! What an ass.

"BWAAAAR! FEAR ME, KIDDIES! FEEL THE WRATH OF THE DREAM TRAVELLERRRR!" he growled, clawing at a crying child.

Only but moments later, a shadow came up behind him and grabbed him by the shoulder.

He turned around quickly and gasped, "Ahh, you banananut...!"

You won't get to know who it is... yet... because suspense is _awesome._

Guntz eventually got himself up, thanks to a local, and began browsing around the conveniant places of the city. He found himself in a hospital, where strange things were about to happen...

"This is an awfully dark and evil looking place, for a newly made hospital..." he folded his ears back and shuddered.

The elevator was broken, so he shrugged it off and took the stairs. Fatty needs to lose some pounds. Anywayayay... when he got to the top, he looked to see it was a very, very dark hallway and endless that had about eight doors on each side. In the middle of all this, were some empty wheelchairs that were speeding along and doing random wheelies. Silent Hill 4 veterans would totally understand this.

Guntz walked up to one of the wheelchairs and poked it while giggling, "Heey, you're a cute lil' guy, aren't you!" he smiled happily.

The chair, however, was not appreciating this. It backed up some, then sped up and ran him over. Again, SH4 veterans would understand this.

"Heeey! You son of a bitch! GET THE HELL OFF ME! OWWWW!" he screamed as it ran over his back numerous times.

Janga was leaning against a wall, doing absolutely nothing except complaining about how bored he was. He thought Garlen said he was finished, but apperantly the fat bastard lied.

"Fine! If you're so bored, go drunk yourself up!" Garlen said, throwing just the right amount of money down to Janga, instantly smacking him square in his messed up eye. ...Is that eye blind or something?

Janga hissed, ignoring the fact that his eye just got hit, "That last part made absolutely no sense!" and scooped up the money. You can point and laugh at that part, he doesn't have any hands. (Noma believes otherwise. No hands for kitty-cat!)

Garlen watched Janga stomp out the door, then looked over at Joka, "You go with him, I don't feel like having him kill anyone just yet." Joka nodded and ran out the door without a word.

Garlen watched and listened until he heard the door slam, then whipped out a chicks magazine. "Awahawhawww... you're a naughty little chicken, aren't you... yeah, bakaw bakaw..."

Janga buried his muzzle entirely under his scarf, saying a large amount of curse words. Who knows as to why he was so pissed... but he felt the best way to get rid of such a heavy dose of anger was to get himself drunk.

But... he'd forgotten where the nearest bar was, for Garlen's base was in a completely new area. Kinda... plot conveniance... the duo hadn't a clue on where they were. They kept walking on until they reached what looked to be a completely deserted city. The buildings were very weird... the entire place was merely a variety of browns, helping the place look very dull.

"It's kinda weird... how an entire city could be abandoned like this..." Joka said, running his finger along a railing. He found there was no dust or rust in sight.

"Yeah... can't be that old, if it doesn't look it.." Janga replied, his eyes scanning the entire area before him.

It wasn't long before they heard a sign of life. It sounded like... weeping? Huh. They figured they might as well go ahead and investigate. All Janga could think of was finding the nearest bar, even if it meant asking for directions. Joka kept his mind on getting the whole thing over with, and a hint of Ghadius was in there. ...A bit on the obsessive side, he is.

"Is there... anyone there?" Janga yelled out, his voice carrying an echo.

No reply. Damnit...

"Yo! We can hear your voice! Where the hell are you?" Janga yelled louder in an irritated tone.

"Please... show yourself?" Joka called out also. "It makes much more sense to be polite than rude, if you want to get what you want, Janga-chan."

Janga looked down and growled, "Yeah, whatever. Let's just head up and see what it is."

And so, they did. It's surprising it didn't take them long, especially since they were practically at the bottom. They wasted their time listening to the weeping voice get louder and louder.

Once they got to the top, they stopped and took a breath. Yep... I lied. They took at least a little while.

"Aha... so there's who has been making all that noise..." Janga grinned, earning devious thoughts in his mind.

"Yes...?" a pause from crying, "May I help you?" the King of Sorrow turned, looking at the two figures behind him.

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Oooh, how suspenseful! I absolutely _had _to add Kingey in my story. He's adorable! -Cuddlewuddlewuv- though... he'll never be able to replace my Janga-chan... -Snuggling Janga while he's roughly tied up to a chair, with tape over his mouth.- Eheheh... umm. Well. I worked an hour and a half on this... hopefully it's funny, like I want it to be, and serious. I'm practicing on writing serious stories. :D Reviewplzkthxbai?


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